It's nothing!

It hurts more than ever

No mater how strong the pain,

it just keeps hurting more and more

and even when it repeats itself,

again and again,

it hurts!

Pain!

There's no dying, not realistically,

but falling, grieving, and the aches of one's essence covered by unheeded truths

To keep on dying... To keep on trying...

and maybe breathing...

No matter how hurtful and how painful!

Pain! Hurt! But does it mater?

It hurts more than ever,

pain, hurt, and dying?

-

No!

Truth has been spoken.

When the soul speaks the truth,

in a vacuum, approached by death,

without a meaning,

only hurt,

hurt,

and hurt.

When it's separation,

the soul evaporating,

for what it carries,

is love and truth,

but why? Tell me why,

Y O U

&

I

were and weren't,

are and aren't?! 

 

Hast mine own soul did fail us?

In my breathing tomb, I embrace you, honor you, and see you

for I'm nothing more but acceptance that honors you

believes in you

and a child adoring you.

Hast mine own soul did fail us?

For how closer could I get to your truth? And how far deep shall I shed my existence?

My Love!

Hast mine own soul did fail us?

I'm gone, nothing, merely more than an illusion, if for you to see.
But...

Hast mine own soul did fail us?

Spoken truths that the soul carries,

and some unspoken but crushed to pieces of silence -

embraced,

surrendered,

and questioned.

That which the soul carries,

spoken,

for the value of being truthful,

and endless faith in love,

but what does it mean to keep on dying?

To believe and accept the hurt

Dying, every moment of a silent and permanent death

A 

concealed death

A

voiceless suffering

A

hurting soul

A

repeating experience

Again,

and Again!

The woman in the YouTube ad

I was trying to rush to the skip ad button and even though my cursor was hovering the button in less than a second, YouTube disables the button for a couple of seconds and while waiting for the countdown to finish I heard the woman in the YouTube ad say "but if you want to write essays that inspire!" I know that ad and I even watched it till the end the first time it appeared but it took me a couple of months to develop the habbit of unconsciously runnning to the skip ad button so that now I almost never watch a YouTube ad. I'm not here to write about YouTube ads nor about the woman but she said something about writing, didn't she? I don't know if I write with the desire to inspire, to question authority, or what exactly but I thought I missed writing so I came for a visit.What's that? You unexpected my visit? Well, what do you know?

I can't tell you everything! In fact, I can't tell you anything! "I have died everyday waiting for you" (music lyrics in the background while typing this). It's amazing how it's possible to imagine things that never existed in one's life. It's possible to imagine a completely different life. It's possible to write books about different lives - immaginary lives! Anyway, I'm not here to write about the love songs that are playing in the background nor am I going to write about philosophy this time, and no I won't write something abstract to leave you thinking what's the despair about. It's not because I'm being cold or that I am bored but it's because something is in my mind and heart so strong -literally!

Let's first clear some things out. I haven't listened to love songs for a long time and what some people might think is worse is that until this morning, I have not watched the "traditional" romantic movies for a long time as well. In fact, I can't even remember when was the last time I saw a movie of a girl and a guy falling in love with each other. This morning, however, I watched a "romantic" movie and after the movie while working out I was thinking how unique and spectacular the guy is. You know what I immediatly thought? The author must have been a female, and guess what? The director of the movie as well as the author of the story are both females, but what's worse is that they let the spectacular guy die in the end of the movie. I am not going to google why but I think the answer was so that the girl will "live boldly." She could live boldly without you having him out of the story especially that they were in love. I think they also mean to say that "happily ever after" doesn't need to be with a guy in the end? Anyway, if there's a chance for you to bring him back to life, please do! I think it was a great movie, thanks!

So, why the romantic movie and then romantic songs? After watching the movie, I went upstairs to feed the wild pigeon then got back down to my room to do my workout exercises and when it was time to do the cool down excercises I thought I would switch from the trance music to love songs. It's not that I'm in love but I thought it'd be nice to revive some positive emotions with a manifestation intention so I searched on youtube for twinflame love sounds. The playlist name said soulmate/twinflame but in my opinion there's a difference between twinflame and a soulmate. I always thought about a soulmate and had so many questions in my mind when I heard that there's something called a twinflame which might be even more perfect than the soulmate relationship. I keep telling myself the affirmation "I trust the process of life," and I'm sure love changes everything. To add a word of wisdom, time does too!

Aha! You seem to be happy because you think you are figuring out what I'm thinking about. I am thinking about love, and what's funny is that in this instance the woman in the YouTube ad just intruppted my music as well as my writing with the words "we all know the crazy chaos," but I was able to skip the ad before she finished. Oh, you are waiting for me to finish as well? I have not got started so you can skip this too!

I will stop here, but thought I would share with you the song that is playing now which I will listen to quietly before I go have a snack!

Heart Reaching Out

You are in a different universe but I can feel you and I wonder how it feels from your side? Does it feel the same way that it feels for me? Does my soul reach out to you? My thoughts and energy? I know we are connected and sometimes I can feel your presence even though we never met. You are special in a sense that I feel that your energy is always purified by your wise efforts to be part of light and good so I try to enforce that in my state of consciousness.  However, this is not just about you because my heart keeps moving me to allow its energy and multiverse vibrations to be part of this experience. My heart likes to reach out beyond time and place and it feels so true for me. I reach out with my heart to send love and for me it feels peaceful and loving.

Imagination is nice too because we can journey into worlds that reflect our essence and allows us to experience a different reality. Imagination is a remedy and remedy is something we are always seeking. Sometimes from the inside and sometimes from the outside but when in need of remedy know that it takes one nothing to be free because one already is free. Freedom is an integral part of our existence.

_________________________________________________

With a free spirit full of love, I reach out to you with my heart and consciousness. 💜💫